But things are a bit different here in Fitzwalkerstan.
Even when Scott Walker was still Milwaukee County Executive, he's had to do things differently. When the old groundhog at the Milwaukee County Zoo passed away, Walker took over:
Now as governor, we find that the tradition has changed again.
Unfortunately, there were a few setbacks to Walker's plan. First, the contract turned out to be more expensive than planned, and much more expensive than it would have been to let a County-owned groundhog do the job. To make up for the expense, Walker cut sixteen bus routes, and denied food stamps to 439 people.
Now, instead of watching a groundhog or a weasel popping out of the ground, everyone gathers to watch Walker pop out of the Mystery Dumpter O'Fun.
If he sees John Doe's shadow, we will see more indictments. If Walker doesn't see John Doe's shadow, we will still have more indictments, but with the pleasure of seeing the shock on Walker's face when he's fitted with his new bracelets:
And then we can sit around and tell riddles, like this one:
Q. What's the difference between Punxsutawney Phil and Scott Walker?
A. One is an ill-tempered rodent of dim intelligence, pretending to give us guidance as to what the future holds. The other is a groundhog.