Saturday, February 2, 2013

Groundhog Day, Fitzwalkerstan Style

Everyone is familiar with the traditional celebration of Groundhog Day.  As legend has it, "if it is cloudy when a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day, then spring will come early; if it is sunny, the groundhog will supposedly see its shadow and retreat back into its burrow, and the winter weather will continue for six more weeks."

But things are a bit different here in Fitzwalkerstan.

Even when Scott Walker was still Milwaukee County Executive, he's had to do things differently. When the old groundhog at the Milwaukee County Zoo passed away, Walker took over:
To help ease people's fear that this winter will never end, Scott Walker has taken bold and decisive action. No, he didn't get us a new groundhog. Instead, he privatized the service in a no-bid contract to Weasels'R'Us. The new mascot you will be seeing Saturday is Wally Weasel (pictured on the right).

Unfortunately, there were a few setbacks to Walker's plan. First, the contract turned out to be more expensive than planned, and much more expensive than it would have been to let a County-owned groundhog do the job. To make up for the expense, Walker cut sixteen bus routes, and denied food stamps to 439 people.
Now as governor, we find that the tradition has changed again.

Now, instead of watching a groundhog or a weasel popping out of the ground, everyone gathers to watch Walker pop out of the Mystery Dumpter O'Fun.

 If he sees John Doe's shadow, we will see more indictments. If Walker doesn't see John Doe's shadow, we will still have more indictments, but with the pleasure of seeing the shock on Walker's face when he's fitted with his new bracelets:

And then we can sit around and tell riddles, like this one:
Q. What's the difference between Punxsutawney Phil and Scott Walker?

A. One is an ill-tempered rodent of dim intelligence, pretending to give us guidance as to what the future holds. The other is a groundhog.


  1. Snark is fine and good, but your posts are increasingly reading like the FITZMAS posts at FDL and other "superblogs" when the Plamegate affair was before a grand jury.

    That ended in disappointment as the prosecutor proclaimed that even though there appeared to be criminality, it was not possible to clearly define and assign culpability -- this is the same playbook scott walker and his high-powered criminal defense lawyers are relying on.

    Most likely, it will take federal indictments to bring walker down -- a jury of Wisconsin citizens, victims of major "brain drain", are not going to find walker guilty if blame can be shoved down to associates -- this is why the media works so hard spreading pro-walker propaganda and always proclaims that he did nothing wrong in each and every article.

    The fed investigation (FBI executed search warrents) likely was on hold leading up to election -- a romney/ryan win would have ended anything there. Does obama and his administration have the will to hold high-powered republicans accountable -- he hasn't yet, don't expect anything to change.

    Have fun with these posts, but there are real issues and there is a need to discuss a broken criminal justice system that will throw a man promptly in jail for stealing a loaf a bread to feed his starving family -- yet steal millions and billions for the most powerful multinational corporate interests on the face of the globe?

    The media will make that person a "rock star"!

    There will be no justice for walker unless we demand it and this means we talk about a dysfunctional system that denies justice while creating an entire class of victims for the profit of a growing criminal-industrial complex.

    Expect the next budget to sell power plants for pennies on the dollar to koch interests and to pave the way to privatize prisons and the gateway into the penal system -- increasingly dysfunctional public schools.

    1. Before you go belittling my posts, you just might want to get your facts straight.

      With the investigation under the jurisdiction of the County DA, and if Walker chose a jury trial, the jury would be strictly from Milwaukee County, which went against Walker 2:1.

      If the feds step in, and Walker asks for a jury trial, the jury would be from the surrounding 19 counties including Waukesha, Washington, Ozaukee, and Dodge. Do you really want Walker's jury to be from these people?